Sex and Relations

I was raped. Now I have met a new partner, but I’ll still afraid of sex. What can I do?

Published 1/10/2010 | Updated 1/10/2010

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A few years ago I met a guy I knew in a bar. I trusted him and went home with him, but the evening ended with him forcing himself on me. I haven’t dared have sex since. The memory and feelings are still there. But now I’ve found a wonderful guy who I really want to have sex with. He knows what happened and says that we won’t have sex until I’m ready. I want to have sex, but every time we’ve tried, I’ve got scared and pushed him away. I don’t know what to do to relax.

Memories can stay with you, the memories you have in your head and the physical memories of what happened. But there are things you can do to relax and get back to a good sex life. Along the way, it’s good to have support from somebody who you can talk to about the feelings that crop up. If you don’t have anyone to talk to or haven’t already talked to someone about what happened, I recommend that you contact someone such as a counsellor or psychotherapist. The most important thing is to let it take the time it takes and don’t stress yourself about doing things that don’t feel good. Try to be close to each other and enjoy each other’s proximity and bodies in any ways that don’t feel as charged and demanding. Take the steps that feel right for you.


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