Sex and Relations

Why have I lost my sex drive?

Published 1/10/2010 | Updated 1/10/2010

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I’d just like to ask whether it’s possible to lose your sex drive a little when you’ve been with your partner for a long time? I’m really turned on by my partner and love her, but that wild lust just isn’t there in the same way any more. I’m most interested in kissing and cuddling. Why might this be?

Your sex drive goes up and down over time and is affected by things happening in your life. It’s common for your sex drive and/or activity to drop a little if you’ve been together a while. This can be due to all sorts of things. It may be that the relationship has become more “everyday” and you don’t put as much time and energy into your sex and relationship together. You may have different priorities than before. Are there other things that come first? Do you take the time to have sex when you have the energy and desire? It’s important to create space for your sexual desires. One way to get the magic back can be to change something, for example having sex in a different way and at different times. The element of surprise and variation can have a major impact on desire. Variation doesn’t mean that you have to “swing from the chandelier” – it might just be a case of kissing and cuddling or having non-penetrative sex. And to have sex with wild abandon, it needs to be there in your head too. That’s where the drive comes from.

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